Sunday, 15 April 2012

Cinderella Flash Fiction

Here's my entry for a competition to update a fairy tale in 350 words or less. This is exactly 350 words:

“Well of course you're shallow!” said the Fairy Godmother. “What's with the sense of entitlement? Of course you can't go to the ball. You don't belong. Why would you want to go? Have you got anything to wear? No! You expect me to provide it. Why do you want the prince? You've already got Buttons.”

“I don't want Buttons, I want the prince,” said Cinderella.

“I want, I want... it's all I get from you. Ooh, I have to have the best carriage and the finest horses and a ball gown that makes me look like a meringue so I can pretend to be someone I'm not. Don't you think someone wanted that pumpkin? And what did the mice ever do to you? You're just bloody selfish.”

“But you're my fairy godmother! You're supposed to be helping me!” She stamped her foot.

“I am helping you, you airhead! You'll get nowhere with these ridiculous expectations. Live within your means. Pick a man who loves you, not some tool who thinks you can base love on shoe size. Learn to be happy within your own life. Don't change your life. Change yourself.”

“Don't change my life? I have to work!”

“Everyone has to work, sugar. You think I'm doing this for the good of my health?”

“You don't know what it's like. Did you never watch Slumtown's Next Top Princess and think 'that could be me?'”

A derisive snort. “You need to sort your life out, girl. You're even harder work than Lady Di. And we all know how that ended up...” A shudder. “Look, you need to get this into your head. You're not going to be a princess. Like most people, you've got a hard life that you have to make the best of. Work out what skills you've got and use them to your best advantage.”

So Cinderella got herself pregnant by a married footballer, sold her harrowing story to the tabloids and spent the rest of her life blaming the fairy because she wasn't a princess.


  1. I can't help but picture your FGM dressed like an American football coach shouting, "Suck it up, Buttercup!" before slapping Cinderella on the backside and blowing her whistle for another 10 laps.

    Thanks for writing what we were all thinking.

  2. Hahah! Love this :) Thanks for entering!

  3. a great twist on the traditional with a great big helping of "reality check". Really enjoyed it

  4. LOL! Awesome, Andrew! So glad you decided to enter the contest too! :)

    (Is the linky not working on yours? I don't see it.)

  5. "Pick a man who loves you, not some tool who thinks you can base love on shoe size."


    Wise words from the FGM!

    Love how you've reinvented an old classic with a modern theme - absolutely spot on!

  6. A great sense of fun runs through this. Brilliant, and highly amusing :)

  7. Turns all the preachings into one big laugh riot, "Like your life and lump it, dear, what you dream is just fairy tale." The footballer was the final sigh for me.

  8. At the last paragraph where we find out what happened to Cinderella, I swear my mouth was hanging open! Love it!

  9. *snorts* Love it. I can't stop chuckling over it.

    “Everyone has to work, sugar. You think I'm doing this for the good of my health?” <--love this!

    Great work!

  10. This rocks - I love it to tiny little bits and pieces because I felt like that when I saw the Disney cartoon .... FGM rules OK! Bless you for making my afternoon.

  11. Ha ha, good for you, Fairy Godmother! Those fairy tale girls have had it way to easy!

  12. Thanks for making me laugh out loud! Great story!

  13. Definitely modern day Cinderella! Perfect!